


Keep your eye on me

by SnowWhite21



Category: Sicario (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Love/Hate, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Drama, Trauma, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:41:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25017946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowWhite21/pseuds/SnowWhite21
Summary: What happened to Kate Macer after her horrific experience in Juarez? Let's see how she tries to live through it, when the shadow of the tall black haired man always right behind her.
Relationships: Alejandro Gillick & Kate Macer, Alejandro Gillick/Kate Macer
Comments: 31
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please,feel free to let me know if you're interested in this story))

Everything I remember was the feeling of cold sweat on my forehead and back of my head. That sticky fear i couldn't wash away with any soap or shampoo,no matter how many hours i spent in my bathroom. It was constant. His eyes,starring at me from the dark,his calm soft voice shattering me into pieces over and over again. Nightmares were reminding me about my weakness and his control. He was still there with his gun at my throat.  
I moved to Bennington in Nebraska last november. Small and safe city where i became a regular officer just like he told me. But not because I wanted to or obeyed his order. After my adventures in Juarez i started to have panic attacks. I was examined by shrinks,got tested and failed 6 times. I couldn't pass.  
Broken soldier,not suitable to be in FBI anymore. Just a weak pathetic woman that i hated to be. So many years of hard work and training went down the drain. I was the leader with solid backbone and unshakable moral compass. I knew what was good and what was bad. I was playing by the rules. Look where it led me. Even my marriage was sacrificed for my job.  
"Department of Justice". What a joke! It didn't feel right from the start,but i was driven by my naive urge to get people who killed my colleagues,my guys. I was willing to serve justice but not like that. Not like Alejandro. I wasn't ready,though i've seen many awful things.  
He was smiling. That shady pretentious prick. Matt Graver. His permanent smirk was like an insult to everything that was happening. Nothing seemed to bother that trash of a man. He was so comfortable in that dirty cruel unjust world. Matt Graver was a willing participant in that hell.  
Alejandro had his reasons. I felt sorry for him and at the same time i knew who he became. The monster with no limits,no barriers. Driven by bloodthirst.

* * *

I was sitting at the desk with nothing to do in my stupid uniform,when Reggie called. He was my only true friend and the only person i could trust.  
\- Kate!  
\- What's up,Raggie! - I was trying to sound as vibrant as i possibly could.  
\- Hey,champ! I'm just checking up on you. - Raggie's voice was soothing and comforting. It reminded me of the times before Juarez.  
\- I know. You are trying to fill my daddy's shoes. I'm fine...bored but fine.  
\- I'm not that old yet!Big brother's shoes to be exact. - He giggled in his special endearing manner.  
\- Maybe you will visit me in this God damned town? - I was desperately craving his company.  
\- Kate! I will when i'm finished with my duty. I told you about Jennings's new group that i'm leading...without you it's not the same. - His voice got lower and softer.  
\- I remember...you know that i can't be trusted anymore.  
\- You need rehabilitation,Kate!You're not done!Not done!- He was sincerely worried about me.  
\- Third one? I tried,Raggie...some machines can't be fixed.  
\- Kate,i'm gonna change your mind just wait!I will visit your ass and make sure that you listen! - Raggie's enthusiasm was everlasting.  
\- Ok,big brother!Good luck in your mission. - I felt a fuzzy warm feeling spreading in my heart. He cared for me.  
\- Thanks,Champ!  
I became a pensioner at 32 years old. Raggie was busy,doing what he loved and i was sitting in the dump,not helping anyone.

* * *

I spent my evenings in the local bar full of old grumpy people. It was a town where young people had nothing to do,they were running away as soon as they hit puberty. I got stuck in that swamp. Of course there were some exceptions. People who stayed here and even had families, ended up hating their life,hating their parents,hating their kids,hating not leaving when they could. Those people who were my age looked like shadows of themselves.  
Drinking too much,then having a little fight. It was the coolest entertainment here. I was sitting and watching them from a far. Not getting into anything. Occasionally i would have a small talk with Gaby - barwoman. A tall thin ginger with little green eyes and weird habit of constantly scratching her nose.  
She was a single mother of 10 year old twin boys. Gaby was very smart and she could have been a real businesswoman. But for her town she was very successful. She owned the only bar in here.  
"Tim is getting more and more violent with Sammy..." - Gabby was pouring whiskey in my glass.  
"Boys will be boys. Right now they are trying to emulate adult's behavior." - I was making sure that i didn't look bored.  
"I get it. You are hinting on Mark...He can be a real pain in the ass. But they don't see him doing anything violent." - Gaby was smart but not smart enough to know that Mark was a bad example for boys. He was a local womanizer. Approximately 40 years old, with rather big belly,grey beard but beautiful crystal blue eyes and big smile. He won women's attention with his endless knowledge in carpentry and ability to play on guitar.  
" What about his screams and yells?" - I swallowed whiskey,feeling better from that burning sensation.  
"He has a bad temper as well as me. But he never crosses the line." - Gaby was missing the point,violently scratching her already red nose.  
" I'm talking about aggression. It doesn't need to be physical.Gaby,verbal abuse is just a first step to violence." - I was thinking about her poor boys.  
"Oh,common,Kate!We can insult each other! Everyone does this but not everyone is fighting." - Obviously Gaby's priority was to keep that man.  
"True.But he almost hit you last time he got drunk." - I frowned,pointing at my empty glass.  
" Yeah. You caught his hand and almost broke it." - Gaby shrinked and refilled my glass.  
"He was whining like a baby. I wouldn't break his arm." - I giggled,feeling alcohol having it's effect on me.  
"You would,if i didn't scream right in your ear. If only you've seen your face in that moment!" - Gaby gasped with theatrical horror.  
I squinted my eyes with disbelief. But deep inside i knew that sometimes i had that uncontrollable rage. It was something that i didn't want to address.  
"Hey,girls!"- Mark's deep loud voice woke me up from my thoughts.  
He was already tipsy. Gaby reproached him jokingly and then they hugged like two teenagers in love. I felt sick to my stomach. But it was their reality and their normal life. Who was i to judge anyway...  
"Ok. I'll go,Gabby!Thanks." - I payed for my drinks and started to put on my brown lether jacket.  
"Mark,walk her home. She's had too many." - Gabby looked at me with motherly kindness.  
" No! I'm fine." - I mumbled,feeling unsure. Whiskey hit me hard.  
"Common,you're hardly standing." - Mark tilted his head as if he wasn't drunk as well.  
" I don't need your help!I mean it!" - I hissed at him with anger.  
Mark's crystal blue eyes widened. I guess he remembered how i almost broke his arm.  
"Poor girl." - I heard Gabby's whisper.  
I headed to the exit,feeling tired and exhausted.

Walking alone down the street in the dark,somehow didn't scare me at all. I would get drunk and go home. That became my routine. Alcohol made me feel numb enough to sleep without nightmares,so that's how i decided to medicate.  
"Kate." - I heard a painfully familiar voice.  
I almost jumped up and turned around. There was nobody on the street,except for a drunk former FBI agent.  
"Stupid." - I slapped myself,trying to sober up a bit.  
I continued my troubled walk.Yellow light from street lamps was burning my eyes.  
"You look like a little girl, when you are scared."- I heard right in my ear.  
"Shut up!" - I screamed and reached for the gun.  
"Shit!" - I barked at myself,remembering that i didn't have it with me.  
What a pathetic scene! A drunk woman yelling at imaginary enemies on the street.  
I run to my apartment like someone was trying to kill me. Panic attack was severe. Alcohol didn't help this time. My hands were shaking,legs got numb and my heart was racing. I rushed to my bathroom and hastily took my pills. Finally,i started to regain my composure,while lying on the sofa.  
One shrink told me that i had to meditate 2 times a day,another one advised to swim in the morning and in the evening. And I tried to do all of it, but nothing worked. I desperately needed to sleep,so i got up and poured myself some vodka. I was drowning and i knew it. But the only thing that mattered was that i finally started to fall a sleep.

* * *

My new boss Theodore Brickman was a real veteran. Behaving and looking like a sheriff with his brown moustache and black texan boots. He was sent here 10 years ago. The difference was that he loved that town and enjoyed his life. He even moved his big family here. I would usually run late,but he wouldn't scold me.  
I saw that shade of compassion on his face. He knew what i was going through,without having a long heart-to-heart talk. He wasn't a chatty type as well as me.  
"Macer,i need you to raid the town today." - Theodore was examining me with his smart hazel eyes.  
"I'm ready." - The hungover was strong,but i was willing to pretend to be fine.  
I turned to the door.  
"Macer...tomorrow you will have a day off." - He ordered without any emotion in his raspy voice.  
I stopped and looked at him. Theodore was sitting at his huge desk,writing something.  
"Yes,sir." - I could feel a lump generating in my throat.  
Officer Macer looked awfully pale and sick. Even my boss couldn't help but notice.

* * *

The town resembled a village,full of people with similar vacant expressions on their faces. There was not much crime to solve: drunken fights,overdoses, domestic violence,but nothing even remotely resembling what i was used to do. Three small drug dealers were caught by me during first week in that town.  
I didn't feel anything,though people were openly grateful for my work. I was so enthusiastic,because i needed to keep my mind busy.It was some kind of  
therapy for me. I couldn't believe,that i ended here after so many years of hard-earned success. I remembered the talk i had with Reggie before coming here.  
" Kate,you need a plan. You can't waste you life like this." - Reggie was lecturing me,after he knew where Jennings was sending me.  
" I know. I will spend there couple of months and then i will return." - I really believed in what i was saying. He was aware that i was forced to sign the document,but he didn't know details. I omitted the part with the gun at my throat.  
"Don't stay there too long,get out as soon as possible,ok?" - Reggie looked at me with his big hazel eyes and i shrinked inside.  
"Yeah,don't worry." - I mumbled softly,nervously scratching the back of my head.  
"Forget about Graver and that other dude. They are gone and you're free." - Reggie's tone was confident and stern. He was trying to instill those thoughts in my head.  
"Of course." - I nodded to my only friend and continued to chew the last crust of pizza.  
Reggie called him "That other dude" as if he didn't have much of a role in that story. If only he knew...he was gone but i wasn't free.


	2. Rabid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go))Second chapter) Please,share your thought with me))

I couldn't breathe. Someone's strong merciless hands were choking me. I was frantically squirming like a worm on a hot frying pan,but all my efforts were futile. Somewhere in the back of my mind I heard soft footsteps. My heart skipped the beat. Hope filled my lungs. I knew he was there,pointing a gun at my attacker. With a loud moan I woke up covered in cold sweat.  
I stood up,shaking my head in disbelief. Again. That nightmare was haunting me for a very long time. How much I wanted to forget about the time I spent in Juarez! How much I wanted to forget his stoic face,his marshy deep eyes and soft voice,that seemed to be tender,even when he was about to kill you.  
I just couldn't shake him off of me. In that short period of time he managed to envade my mind,leaving me no space for anybody else. I knew,that I was nothing,but the bait. Alejandro waited for me to be thrown on the ground and almost choked to death. He was waiting for the right moment to appear and save the day. Stupid of me to believe,that he really cared about me. He lost all his humanity long ago.

"Kate! We need you at the office. Hurry up." - A raspy voice belonged to my boss Theodore Brickman. I scratched my eyes,trying to wake up.  
"I'll be there in a minute." - I answered quickly.  
He hung up. Something in his voice sounded anxious. I went to the bathroom and washed away the remnants of a torturous nightmare from my skin. Then put on my uniform and went to the car. When I got to the office,I saw two twin boys,sipping on some coca-cola. Their ginger curly hair looked more dishevelled than ever before.  
"Where is your mom,Boys?" - I came up to them,putting on my best smile.  
"She is with sheriff. They are talking about uncle Mark. Mommy wanted to see you,Kate." - One of the twins said with his mouth full of coca-cola.  
His innocent face was glowing with interest. The other boy stared at me like I was some kind of an angel. Their mother must have told them a lot about me. Deffinetly something good.  
"Stay here. Don't go anywhere,ok?" - I spoke softly,feeling apprehension rising in me.  
The boys nodded to me,simultaneously tilting their heads to the left. I couldn't help but smile. When I knocked on the door,I already could hear weak cries.  
"Come in." - I heard sheriff's grumpy voice.  
When I walked in I saw barwoman Gaby sitting on the chair with her face deformed by black bruises.  
"Kate." - She squeaked like a chipmunk.  
I didn't have to be a psychic to know who did it to her. I balled up my fists.  
"I'm trying to make her report on him." - My boss was obviously very upset.  
"I know you told me,that Mark's aggression would lead to this...but he could be so kind to me." - Gaby could hardly talk through her swollen lips.  
"I will take you to the hospital and make sure,that every single bruise is documented. This piece of shit will pay for this." - I came up to Gaby,hardly suppressing the trembling in my body. I felt such an intense rage boiling inside of me.  
"Macer." - My boss growled,frowning at me.  
I didn't pay attention to his disapproval and stretched out my hand to Gaby. Her green eyes filled up with tears. After a little pause she took my hand.  
"I will call your sister,Gaby. She will take your boys." - Sheriff said,smoothing his brown moustache.  
"Let's go." - I took her by the hand,and we walked out of the room.  
When we got into the car,Gaby started sobbing,while looking at the window. I wanted to comfort her,but didn't know how. Maybe I felt too much to say anything. I should have said something corny like "Everything will be fine." But I didn't want to lie. I knew the truth. Physical abuse leaves scars on your soul. Flesh will eventually heal,but the memory will linger,eating you from inside.  
"I can't." - Her weak voice woke me up from my heavy thoughts.  
"What's wrong?" - I asked,slowing down the car.  
"Take me home...I don't want to press charges." - Gaby was staring at her shaking hands.  
"Gaby,don't do this. He must be punished and put behind the bars." - My fingernails pressed into the driving wheel.  
"You don't understand,Kate. You came here not long ago. This town is a swamp. People will be on his side. If I start this,it will harm by business...my bar. I have to provide for my little boys. I don't have a time for this mess." - Gaby was nervously clenching her fists.  
My heart started pounding in my ears.  
"Listen to me. This poor excuse of a man will do this again. If you leave him,he will find another one. Justice should be served,Gaby!" - I couldn't control my rage anymore,pressing the gas pedal.  
"Justice...It's a myth,Kate...there's no such thing as justice. It's bullshit. Life moves on." - Gaby's soft but stern voice was vibrating through my body.  
I felt like she slapped me across my face with those words. Alejandro's face popped up in my mind.  
"You should move to a small town, where the rule of law still exists." - I heard right in my ear,as if he was next to me.  
I slammed on the brake. The tires creaked hysterically.  
"You can't to this,Gaby. Such kind of a man should be in prison. Do you hear me?" - I looked at her,burning up from inside.  
Gaby's green eyes widened with fear.  
"Kate...just take me home." - She pressed her back to the window.  
I clenched my teeth,hardly suppressing the anger.  
"It's my life. My choice." - Gaby was adamant. I could see it in her sad green eyes.  
I turned my face away from her,feeling like I was about to explode. What was happening to me? Without saying a word I started the car.

"Shit!" - I screamed at the top of my lungs,throwing an empty bottle at the wall.  
Alcohol didn't help. I was still raging. My mind was reeling with memories. His prophetic words sent me in that shitty little town. Law didn't work even here.  
"Calm down,Kate." - I thought I heard Alejandro's voice right in my ear.  
"Leave me alone!" - I grabbed my head,covering my ears.  
He was living in my mind like an uninvited guest. I run up to the gun,taking it in my trembling hands.  
"What if I just shoot myself in the head with it? Then he will shut up for good." - I just couldn't stop that thought from existing.  
"Justice...justice. What a joke!" - I mumbled,swinging from side to side with a loaded gun in my hand.  
I had to breathe some fresh air. When I walked out on the street,my legs already knew where to go.  
Mark's little house with an old green roof was standing taller than other houses,glittering in the yellow light of street lamps. I crawled to the window, holding a gun in my hand. I knew what I wanted to do. Just one bullet and the world would get rid of one useless garbage. Less pain in this messed up world. So easy.  
Mark was in the kitchen,slicing bread like nothing happened. His long grey beard and big beer belly looked more disgusting than ever. I cocked a gun,aiming it right in his head.  
"You are not a wolf." - Alejandro's voice made me shudder.  
Mark put down the knife and opened the fridge,taking out a large head of cheese. My hand started shaking.  
"Uncle Mark!" - I heard loud happy voices. Two ginger head boys run into the kitchen. I froze,feeling a cold stab in my heart.  
"I know you're hungry. Your mom needs some rest,so be quiet." - The man with a wide smile and crystal blue eyes seemed so kind and caring.  
I stepped back,feeling dizzy. The boys sat at the table,watching with their eyes wide open how their mother's abuser put the food on their plates.  
"God." - I mumbled through my teeth,putting down the gun. I felt sick to my stomach. I almost killed him.  
"Kate." - Alejandro's soft voice echoed in my mind.  
I bit my lip,suppressing a desperate moan,and took off running like I was chased by a pack of hungry rabid wolfs.


	3. The glimmer of hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey,guys! I'm back with a new chapter! I hope you'll like it)))Please share your thoughts with me))

I hit the rock bottom. Everything,that I believed in and everything,that I protected all my life was torn apart. His soft voice pushed me further and further me into the darkness. I was one step away from killing unarmed person right before children's eyes. I became an unstable wreck. FBI Agent Kate Macer was dead and gone. Her dignity was shaken and twisted by the truth of this cruel world.  
After that night when I almost did the unthinkable,I spent long sleepless hours roaming around the town,completely shocked by my own behavior more than by Gaby's decision to let that abuser in her house again. It was something that happened often with women,who chose to be in denial. It was easier.  
But I felt sick just thinking about it. Most of all I worried about her two boys. But what could I do,if she refused to report on him?  
The next morning I went to work like nothing happened. I hid my grey swollen face behind big black glasses. Nothing could stop me from going back to the moment I aimed the gun at the prick's head. Somewhere in the afternoon,I stopped by my favorite coffee shop.   
"Hello,officer Macer." - Middle-aged plump woman with curly blond hair was glad to see me as usual. Susan was one of those people,who always had her spirits up.  
"Hi,Sue." - I nodded,leaning on the counter.   
"One cappuccino and two cherry cupcakes?" - Asked Susan,already pouring coffee in the cup.  
"Nothing changes." - I answered,looking around an empty shop.   
Finally I was comfortable to take off my glasses. I felt Susan's blue eyes on my swollen face. She tilted her curly head in a motherly disapproval.  
"Kate,have you heard about AA meetings? It helped my son. He is sober for 6 years." - After a long pause,Susan spoke up,handing me a plate with two tasty cupcakes. I felt her sincere concern for my health.  
"Thanks,Sue." - I said,biting into one of the cupcakes.  
She could see my unwillingness to even consider it as an option.  
"It won't harm you,if you just go there once. You can leave anytime,if you don't like it. I know the man,who is leading the meetings. He is a great guy with wisdom and experience. I can give you his number." - Susan wasn't going to back down,leaning over the counter.  
I looked at her,feeling a desperate need to say "yes",but I stopped myself. Susan nodded,silently accepting her little defeat. I put the money on the counter and headed to the door.  
"The meetings are held every tuesday and friday in the gym around 7 pm. Today is tuesday,Kate." - I heard her caring voice.  
I silently put on my glasses and pushed the door.

My subconscience remembered that last phrase,no matter how hard I tried not to listen to Susan. She was right. I needed help very badly. Alone in my apartment I faced my fears. A big bottle of wine was on the table,waiting for me to open it. I sat on the sofa,staring at my feet.  
"How you feeling?" - Soft raspy voice echoed in my head. It was him again.  
I stood up with smothered moan.  
"Well,you should've shot him." - I felt shivers running down my spine. Closing my eyes it seemed like I returned to that bathroom right after I was almost killed by a dirty cop. Alejandro was there with his sad eyes,reminding me about my weakness. I opened my eyes,taking the bottle from the table.  
"Kate." - I heard,as soon as I opened the wine. The sweet sent of alcohol got in my nostrils and I felt the familiar rush.  
When I was about to put the bottle to my lips,my eyes drifted to a small calender on my wall.  
"Today is tuesday,Kate." - Susan's voice popped up.  
With all the will,that was left in me,I put the bottle back on the table and looked at my watch. It was already 7 pm. But I knew,that if I stayed in apartment,I wouldn't be able to resist temptation.  
I took my leather jacket and stormed out.  
The road to the gym was short. I was pushing the gas,trying to get there as soon as possible. Stopping my car,I felt nausea. My nerves were going wild.  
"What am I doing?" - I mumbled under my breath. The fear of opening up was so strong.  
I got out of the car and headed to the gym. I was running late,but it didn't matter to me. A grey metal door was obviously out of place among other colourful ones. Voices could be heard from inside. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.  
"Come in." - Amiable voice welcomed me.  
I opened the door and walked in the big spacious room. There were people sitting in a circle. They all looked at me with interest.  
"I'm sorry for interruption." - I said,hiding my hands in the pockets of my jeans.  
"It's ok. Please take a sit." - A young man with bright green eyes smiled at me,pointing to the stack of plastic chairs. I took one of them and put it between a middle-aged man and a young girl,holding a handkerchief.  
"Do you feel comfortable to introduce yourself?" - A green-eyed man had a low soothing voice. He seemed very skinny in a blue shirt and grey pants.  
"My name is Kate." - I uttered,trying to hide my shaking hands.  
"Hello,Kate." - All the people in the room greeted me like a choir.  
I nodded,feeling the blood rush to my face.  
"So let's give Kate some time. Duncan,please continue." - The guy with bright green eyes turned to the man next to me.  
"I decided to see her...I just couldn't help it. I drank just one bottle of beer. Yes,I wanted to calm my nerves,you know. But as soon as she saw me,she started crying. I left...and I was just passing by,you know...that bar...and I just couldn't help it. I'm so sorry." - A middle-aged man with long grey hair was stuttering and nervously scratching his chin.  
"Duncan,it's just a beginning of your long journey. It's been just 2 months,so it's ok to relapse and have problems with staying sober. But you have to leave your ex-wife alone. You have to learn to function without her in your life. I hope,that you will continue writing your diary." - A calm soothing voice of a green-eyed skinny guy was like a breath of fresh air. His words caressed your ears,getting into your head.  
The man next to me smiled shyly and nodded,obviously feeling better about himself.  
"Samantha,as far as I know today marks your 36th month of sobriety. We prepared something for you." - The guy stood up and walked to the cupboard,taking out a big strawberry cake with 3 candles.  
"Oh,this is so sweet! Thank you so much! I wouldn't be able to stay clean without you,Peter." - A young woman with short black hair and black lips jumped up with tears in her blue eyes and hugged a green-eyed guy. I was staring at that girl with respect. It was possible to leave that addiction behind. It was possible.  
Everyone in the circle stood up and started applauding. I felt really out of place,sitting motionlessly on my chair. The guy,who Samantha called Peter,looked at me. He was trying to read emotions on my face just like every single shrink,that I talked to.  
"Ok,everyone. Sit down." - Peter went back to his chair and everyone followed him.  
"Kate,maybe you have something to tell us? Feel free to share,what's on your mind right now." - Attentive smart eyes hooked on me.  
If only I could...  
"I don't have anything to say." - I answered with blank empty look on my pale face.  
Everyone nodded with strange understanding.   
"Maybe next time,Kate. You're here and it means more than any words." - Peter softly smiled at me. I shrinked from inside,feeling weak and pathetic, completely unable to talk to people. I was like a handicapped soldier. Though my body was intact,my soul was shattered to pieces.  
The meeting continued,but my mind drifted away. I was looking at the dark corner of the room. And soon a faceless shadow morphed into a drak-haired man with eyes,that captured my essence. Alejandro was sitting there,silently judging me.  
"Kate,are you alright?" - A soft voice right in my ear made me come to my senses.  
"Yes." - I shook my head,feeling dizzy like I was stopped after a long fast ride.  
When I looked around,I finally noticed,that everyone was gone. It was only me and Peter in the room.  
"Kate,take my card. You can call me anytime,if you decide to talk. I'm here to help you." - The green-eyes skinny guy with wavy blond hair handed me his card.  
I was hesitant,but after a few seconds of thinking about pros and cons,I took it.   
"Next friday at 7 pm. Try to be on time,alright?" - Peter had a strange confidence in his soft voice,as if he could know for sure,that I would come there again.  
"Thanks." - I mumbled,avoiding his penetrating gaze.  
I walked to my car,holding the card in my hand. Once I got in,I exhaled loudly and looked at myself in the rearview mirror. My eyes weren't empty or full of rage. I had to admit,that I didn't regret attending that meeting. The glimmer of hope lit up in me.


	4. Trap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am with a new chapter. I hope you'll like it!)) Please let me know what you think.

"Human nature consists of rules and taboos,that we all tempted to break. It can be applied not only to drugs or alcohol." - Peter was starting the meeting,looking at me with a familiar interest in his green eyes.  
Yes,I came back. I thought I wouldn't,but I did. I needed to see people,who were dealing with the same problem as me.  
"I'm glad,that our circle becomes wider and we have a new member. I think we can all agree,that there's no shame in making a mistake,if you understand it and try to fix it. It's never too late. Today I've decided to talk about your families and how they're affected by your addiction. Let's start with you, Leslie." - Peter shifted his gaze to the woman to his left,who had big curly brown hair and faded hazel eyes. She was nervously clutching her little bag to her chest.  
"Well,right now I'm trying to get back the custody of my children. I haven't seen them in 5 years. My poor little babies...Vera and Richie. I miss them so much." - Leslie's voice was so weak and raspy like pain sucked life from that woman.  
"Leslie,have you sent all the letters,that you've been writing all these years?" - Peter frowned with concern.  
"No...I don't think,that they remember me..." - I could hardly hear her whisper. She hung her head in shame.  
I looked around to see reactions on others faces. Everyone was looking at Peter,waiting for his answer.  
"I've never seen my mother. I would give everything to have even a small letter from her." - After a short pause,that seemed too long,Peter leaned forward, looking right at Leslie.  
I could hear a smothered sigh,that burst out of the woman. She flung her eyes full of tears at Peter. I could feel my body shifting on the chair.  
"You know what to do,Leslie." - Peter nodded to Leslie with confidence,that was absolutely adamant.  
Everyone was staring at Peter with their eyebrows heavily frowned. I could notice,that they all were thinking about their own personal relationships,that needed healing.  
"Kate,what about your family?" - Suddenly Peter turned to me,catching me off guard.  
There was a long torturous silence,that I had to break with my answer.  
"I don't have a family. I'm on my own." - Finally I spoke,feeling a familiar anxiety.  
"Friends?" - Peter was pushing further.  
"I have one good friend. My co-worker." - Reggie's smiling face came to my mind. I missed his company so much.  
"Have you talked to him lately?" - Peter wasn't going to stop.  
"It's been a week since we talked." - I said feeling like a whole group of people in the circle was invading my life.  
"It's hard for you to be transparent,Kate. You feel insecure and vulnerable,when I'm trying to know more about you?" - Peter's calm soothing voice and conduct made me feel less anxious.  
"It applies not only to you." - Everything in me was still rebelling against anything,that could break my shell.  
"I see." - Peter didn't pay attention to a stern look on my face. He was smiling at me with understanding.

I was walking through the tunnel,being led by strange noises. My gut was telling me to stop,but my body was moving forward. People were talking,but I couldn't understand a word. It wasn't English. I felt a cold metal in my hand,feeling such a familiar thrill running through my body. The darkness was fading into the light. A tall man in all black was holding another man at gunpoint. My hand jerked up. The man in black looked at me and my heart stopped.  
"Put that down,Kate." - His soft and at the same time stern voice sent chills down my spine. My hand stuck. I couldn't move. I couldn't put my gun down.  
Without any hesitation the man in black shot me. I fell down,but I didn't feel any pain. Strange peace came over me. I was staring at the light,that was flickering,and then the face of the man,who I feared the most hung over me.  
"Don't ever put a weapon at me again." - He pointed a gun at my head with complete emptiness in his dark eyes. I opened my mouth,but couldn't talk like someone took my voice. Horror overcome me and I started seizuring in attempt to stand up. Alejandro was staring at my agony with no emotion on his manly face. He was cold as ice. Unshakable as a rock.  
"Help!" - I screamed in pain and opened my eyes.  
My mouth was dry as a desert. I wanted to drink to stop my body from twitching. I needed just a little bit of alcohol in my system to numb that extreme tension. I was holding myself back for 2 days and here I was standing in front of the bottle of gin,trembling from head to toe.  
"God." - I whispered in despair and rushed to my jacket,searching for a card,that Peter gave me.  
I started dialing his number,knowing damn well that it was 2 am. After long beeps he finally picked up.  
\- Yes.  
\- It's Kate. I'm sorry,but you told me,that I could call you anytime.  
\- Kate...what's wrong?  
\- I want to drink so badly...I've just had a nightmare.  
\- Who was there,Kate?  
I sat down on the edge of my bed,covering my face with my hand. I had to talk. I needed to tell someone or I felt like I was about to explode.  
\- The man,that I once worked with.  
\- Describe him,Kate.  
I froze.  
\- Kate,just tell the first thing on your mind,when you're thinking about him.  
\- Cold...and hot at the same time. This is what I feel.  
\- Did he hurt you?  
\- Not in the typical sense of the word. He violated everything,that I believed in...  
\- He made you do something,that you didn't want to do?  
I felt chills running down my spine with the memory of Alejandro holding a gun at my throat. I felt the pen in my hand. He made me betray myself.  
\- Yes...  
\- Do you hate him?  
I leaned back on the bed,feeling my body relax.  
\- I don't know.  
It was the truth.  
\- Do you love him?  
That question made me jerk up on the bed like somebody hit me in the stomach.  
\- No...  
My head was spinning.  
\- As far as I can see,this man had a huge impact on you. Do you want to see him again?  
I felt like I was bombarded with the questions,that I feared the most.  
\- Peter,I feel better...thank you and again I'm sorry for such a late call. Bye.  
I hung up. My body stopped trembling,but my mind kept on reeling.

I saw Gaby,while I was passing by the bar. It took all my will not to go there. All day I was patrolling the town. I wanted to stay sober,though it was painful. I spent so much time self-medicating with alcohol,that I was loosing the grip on my life. When I came back home,I decided to cook. I'd done it for couple of long months. I heard a phone call in the middle of cutting an onion.  
\- Kate,do you hear me?  
\- Raggie?!  
\- You need to leave the town. Hurry up!  
The connection was bad. But I could hear panic in his unusually anxious voice.  
\- What happened?!  
I felt a cold stab of horror.  
\- You have to run...they are...him.  
Raggie was breaking up.  
\- Raggie,where are you?  
I screamed at the top of my lungs. The silence answered me.  
I couldn't move. My body froze in fear. My friend was in danger. I've never heard so much panic in Raggie's voice. Something happened. Something horrible.  
I took my keys,put on my black leather jacket and stormed out of my apartment. When I run down the stairs and went out on the street,I felt a strong push and fell on my knees. I didn't have the time to take out my gun. A strong hand put something to my face,covering my nose and mouth. An awfully tart smell hit me and everything started to blur. I was falling into darkness with Raggie's name on my mind.


	5. One question

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kate is in trouble) )I hope you'll like this chapter))Please let me know what you think))

The darkness around me was so warm and fuzzy,that I didn't want to wake up. The need to escape harsh depressing reality was too strong. But the sudden creaking sound made me open my eyes. At first I couldn't see anything,because of a bright yellow light shinning right in my face. I tried to move my hands and legs,but I couldn't. I was tied down to a chair. Opening my mouth,I made an attempt to say something. A weak raspy moan jumped out of me. It was so dry in my mouth. I desperately wanted to drink.  
"Finally. We can begin,mamacita." - I heard a low growly voice with a thick mexican accent.  
My eyes adapted to a bright light and I saw a tall big man with long black hair. He wore a dark blue leather sleeveless jacket. His muscular hands were covered in tattoos. Big grey eyes were piercing me through a black mask.   
"Who are you?" - I asked.  
"I'm your best friend now." - The man in the mask rubbed his hands.  
I felt cold shivers running down my spine. Looking around I realized that I was in some kind of torture chamber.  
"What do you want from me?" - I just kept on going,no matter how scared I was.  
The man loudly chuckled,coming closer to me. His grey eyes were sliding up and down my body. I felt naked under his gaze.  
"We need to do some talking,mamacita. If you are honest with me,you will be free to go." - He put his hand on my head and pushed it back.  
And only in that moment I remembered about Raggie's call.  
"What did you do to him?!" - My voice cracked under pressure,as I leaned forward.  
"You'd better think about yourself,baby." - He shook me so hard,that my sight blurred again.  
"Where is he?" - I couldn't stop myself from talking. Raggie's smile popped up in my mind.  
Without saying a word the man in the mask hit me across my face. The amount of strength,that he put into that punch was too much to handle. So I fell on the floor like a rag doll. My tied up hands hurt really bad. I bit my lip to suppress a scream.  
The metal door creaked. Another man in the mask entered the room. His white cowboy boots were so out of place. I couldn't see anything except his shoes.  
"Pick her up." - It seemed like the tension in the room got thicker. The voice of that new man sounded emotionless.  
The mexican guy lifted me. The pain in my hands and legs was almost unbearable. The smothered cry escaped from my lips.  
I saw the man in the white cowboy boots. He wore jeans and a white shirt. He was rather slim compared to the mexican guy. His blue eyes were looking at me through the pitch black mask.  
\- Let's cut to the chase,ex-FBI agent Kate Macer.  
\- What do you want from me?  
\- Information.  
\- I was fired from FBI almost a year ago. I don't think,that I know something,that you need.  
\- There's no such thing as ex-FBI agent. Moreover I'm sure you know the answer to my one and only question.  
\- I'll answer,if you tell me where is agent Reggie Wayne?  
\- There's no "if".   
I felt anger boiling in my veins like an acid. He was ignoring all my questions.  
\- Juarez mission. You were there and saw Medellin,right?  
My heart skipped the beat. I tried so hard not to give away the panic,that filled me up.  
\- Kate,it can be a short conversation or a long one,but either way you'll answer.  
The mexican guy took a big knife from the table,pointing at me.  
\- What is Medellin's real name?  
My body froze,while my brain was processing what was happening as fast as it could.  
"Agent Macer,do I have to repeat the question?" - That man's voice sounded so cold and calm. I heard a familiar military approach.  
I kept my mouth shut.   
"We need to do some work,as I see." - The man in white cowboy boots nodded to the mexican guy and took the knife from him.  
My body shivered,anticipating the pain. Very slowly the man in the mask tore my jeans apart,looking right in my eyes. He knew what he was doing.  
The knife's edge caressed my lap. It was so sharp,that it cut my skin. The cry almost burst out of me.  
"Just tell me his real name and it will be over." - He kept sliding his knife down my knee.  
The pain was so acute,but I didn't say a word. But why?! Why didn't I just tell him what I knew? Yes,that man in white boots was definitely one of cartel's best goons. The second I said "Alejandro Gillick", I would sign his death sentence. And as much as I didn't want to admit it,but I cared for him. I cared for the man,that distorted and crashed me from within.  
"Maybe we should be more persistent?" - The man in white boots turned to the mexican guy.  
"She must be into some tough shit." - That guy in tattoos chuckled in the most repulsive manner. He came up to me.  
"Do you like it rough,mamacita?" - A thick mexican accent sounded so mockingly.  
"Go to hell!" - I spit out with all the rage and courage,that I had.  
"Stupid bitch!" - The mexican guy grabbed me by the throat. Suddenly I felt anxiety kicking me right in my head. The flashbacks of a previous time I was almost choked to death flooded in.  
"I gave you a chance,Agent Macer." - The man in white cowboy boots tilted his head and stepped back.  
A smothered groan burst out of me. The mexican guy pushed me down and I hit the floor so hard,that I thought my hand were broken.  
"What's his name?! What's his name,bitch?!" - A loud obnoxious voice made me tremble from head to toe. I started to receive blows. I shut down my eyes, trying as hard as I could not to scream in pain.   
"Just tell them." - I heard my own thoughts. One part of me already gave up. But something in me couldn't betray Alejandro. It was my own moral code. I still considered him an ally.  
The pain was overflowing. I felt like I was losing my consciousness. I heard a loud creak of the metal door. Someone walked in.  
\- Enough.  
\- Maybe we should push some more and she'll break?  
\- No,she won't.  
Everything stopped. The mexican guy left me alone and stepped back. There was complete silence in the room. And it was worse,than any screaming. I carefully opened my eyes. Unfortunately all I could see the boots. Black leather boots.  
I coughed out blood.   
"Raggie..." - My hardly audible whisper resounded through the cold walls. I closed my eyes,feeling the lump in my throat.  
I felt a strong pull. Someone picked me up from the floor. I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes and face my captors. The fear in me was too overwhelming.  
Calm slow steps made me cringe. I felt someone hovering over me,staring me down. It made my skin crawl.  
"It's over." - A painfully familiar soft voice pierced silence. I flinched as hard as I could,opening my eyes. It couldn't be. It just couldn't be.  
He was standing right infront of me. Still and collected. Calm and focused on me and only me.


	6. Face to face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go)) Alejandro and Kate face to face))

I still couldn't believe my own eyes. Even when I was untied from the chair,I still couldn't believe,that he was there in flesh. The real Alejandro. Not the shadow on the wall or a soft elusive voice in my head.   
My body froze. I didn't feel anything except for overwhelming shock. I was staring at him with my mouth open like I saw a ghost. Alejandro was looking back at me with his heavy unwinking stare. I noticed a fresh scar on his left cheek.  
Without saying a word he took my hand and pulled me forward,making me stand up. The pain in my body finally woke me up. Shock morphed into horrifying realization.  
Alejandro led me out of the torture chamber. I was limping behind him like a wounded dog. We went up the stairs and I understood,that it was a house,which seemed to belong to a normal family.   
I saw pictures on the walls and photos in frames. My hand in his grip was burning or so it seemed.  
"What is going on?" - I mumbled under my nose,when Alejandro opened the door and we walked into a bedroom. All the windows were curtained.  
He led me to the armchair and carefully sat me down. The silence was so oppressive,that I felt the need to hear his voice.  
"Alejandro?" - I said his name slowly and carefully. It tasted sour on my tongue.  
He glanced at me with empty look on his face and went to the bathroom. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs,but all I could do was sit still.  
Alejandro came back with an aid kit. He pulled up a chair right infront of me and sat down. His nearness felt so surreal,that I started to blink feverishly.  
I was examining his face like I saw him for the first time of my life. Alejandro seemed to lose weight. The colour of his skin was paler than before.   
He took out cotton wool and soaked it with antiseptic. His hand slowly reached out to my swollen lips. As soon as I felt the burning on my skin,I flinched with disgust.  
"How could you?" - I exhaled completely enraged. Alejandro's hand froze. His swampy deep eyes hooked on me like two leeches.  
My heart was racing. The pain from bruises was nothing compared to what was happening in my soul. He let those men beat me. He heard my cry. He waited behind the door. But why was I surprised by it? He did the same thing,when he let a dirty cop almost choke me to death. Alejandro could interfere,when I started fighting with that guy,but he waited. Then he shot me in the tunnels and threatened me with a gun at my throat,while simultaneously wiping away the tears with a strange tenderness and care. The kindness intertwining with cruelty was the most unsettling thing about that mysterious man.   
"How could you do this to me?" - The lump in my throat was preventing me from speaking. I felt tears forming in my eyes.  
Alejandro put down his hand and stood up,still looking at me. I noticed the way his eyes flashed for one brief second. It was the only answer,that I got.  
The tears were streaming down my face,burning my skin.  
Alejandro walked up to the window and touched a dark blue curtain. I could feel a tension oozing from that tall figure.   
"Someone gave out my real name. Now every cartel is hunting me down. I need to know,who told them." - A soft deep voice resonated through the walls.  
"You thought it was me?" - I couldn't recognise my own voice. It sounded so weak.  
Alejandro turned around and looked at me,sending shivers down my spine. I saw the pain splashing in his eyes.  
"I had to check everyone,who knew my real name." - His voice was vibrating through my body.  
"What did you do to Raggie?!" - I growled like a wounded beast,standing up. The rage in me was growing every second.  
Alejandro's eyes slid down to my knees.  
"Where is he?!" - I made a step forward and felt an agonising pain in my legs. And only then I finally remembered,that I had cuts on my knees.  
"Sit down." - Alejandro ordered me,coming closer to me.  
I leaped back from him.  
"Tell me!" - I screamed as loud as I could.  
Alejandro stopped.  
"They got hold of him sooner than me." - He finally answered.  
"They?!" - I felt the earth move under my feet. The horror overcome me. My body couldn't handle it anymore. When I was about to fall,strong hands caught me.  
His stoic face was so close to mine.  
"Kate,let me treat your wounds." - Alejandro whispered,holding me tight. I could almost feel my heart jumping out of my chest. There was that strange sincere warmth coming from him.  
I opened my mouth,not knowing what to say or what to do. The pain swallowed me whole. I was so exhausted. My forehead leaned on his shoulder.   
For a moment I felt his body tense up,as if that simple gesture made him uncomfortable. In my mind I knew,that it was too hard for Alejandro to let anybody close to him. He was afraid to let his guard down. I remembered him saying,that I reminded him of his daughter. The way his face would change and the look in his eyes would warm up. In that brief moment he would seem like a normal person and not an unstoppable merciless killing-machine.  
While my head was spinning,I felt Alejandro carefully pick me up and carry me to the bed. I set my eyes on him,trying to catch every single twitch of his facial features. When he layed me down,I saw,that he tried to avoid my stare. He took an aid kit and started treating the cuts on my legs with incredible tenderness. In that moment I felt safe for the first time in a long torturous year. I was looking at him,trying to process my own feelings. There were rage,resentment,disappointment,dismay boiling together with warmth,gratitude,need,respect. I was going crazy.  
I don't know how much time passed,when I felt like falling asleep. I was trying very hard not to close my eyes. Alejandro finally looked up at me,noticing my drowsiness.  
"Have a sleep,Kate." - He said softly,standing up. Alejandro turned around,heading to the door. I felt a sudden cold stab of fear.  
"Where are you going?" - I flinched forward anxiously.  
Alejandro turned to me. His swampy eyes tensed up,as if I asked him the hardest question in the world. I bit my tongue,preventing myself from saying "don't leave me". But I felt like Alejandro read my mind,because he walked up to the armchair and sat down. We were staring at each other without saying a word.   
My body relaxed,and I felt like falling into warm darkness. Somehow even after all that mess,the nearness of that mystery man made me feel safe.


	7. The Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,guys! I'm trying to post as often as possible))but the work takes all my time))  
> So here is the New chapter))

An awfully loud screeching sound came from nowhere.  
"Kate!Hurry up!" - Someone grabbed me by my hand,pulling me up. I opened my eyes and saw Alejandro's face. When I was about to say something,a gun shot whistled right above my head. Alejandro pushed me from the bed and turned it on the side,creating some kind of a shield for us.  
"Take it. Don't waste bullets." - He said,handing me a gun with a blank look on his face. That man seemed to be comfortable in such environment.  
I took a gun,feeling like my head was ready to explode. The screams and gun shots continued. Alejandro started firing back. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. The calm and cool warrior,that kept every emotion inside was right by my side.  
"Crawl back to the window." - He said.  
I finally came back to my senses,retreating to the window. The noise was getting louder,as panic rose in me. I forgot how it felt to be on the battlefield.  
"Jump!" - Alejandro pushed me with his elbow.  
"What?" - I felt my heart skipping the beat.  
"Jump,Kate!" - He roared in unison with a bullet breaking the window glass.  
Something in the way he looked at me,made me rush to the window without even blinking. I trusted him. I closed my eyes and jumped out. The air slapped me right in my face,as I was falling.There were no thoughts in my head,when I landed into something soft. An acute horrendous smell made me open my eyes.  
I was laying in the trash. The gun shots were still blazing. I looked up,waiting for Alejandro to follow me. But he was no where to be seen. The fear of losing him entered my mind,crashing me.  
"Alejandro!" - I screamed at the top of my lungs. The instinct was telling me to run for cover,but I couldn't leave him behind.  
Finally,I saw a tall man falling from the window. I moved away. Alejandro landed in the trash. But something was wrong. He wasn't standing up.  
"Come on." - I took him by the hand,pulling him up. He was extremely heavy.  
Alejandro moaned in pain. He was wounded.   
"Shit!" - I mumbled,looking around. My eyes adjusted to the yellow light of the street lamp. I noticed couple of cars.  
"Which one?" - I asked Alejandro,who was losing his consciousness.  
"Grey." - He muttered.  
I grabbed him and put every bit of my strength to get him to the car. Adrenaline gathered in my body,helping me in that desperate situation. Alejandro was dragging his feet,as I was pushing him further. When we got to the car,he took out the keys from the back pocket. I opened the door and put him in the back seat. Rushing to the driver's seat,I felt like my heart was pumping in my temples. I started the car,right when the goons run out of the house,shotting at us. I glanced back at Alejandro. He was holding on to his stomach.  
"Don't close your eyes." - I said,speeding through an empty street.  
Alejandro groaned,answering me.  
I knew only one place to hide and seak medical treatment.   
"Peter!" - I was frantically banging on the door. After a minute sleepy Peter opened the door.  
"I need your help." - I said out of breath.  
Peter's eyes widened,when he saw me. I must have looked and smelled awfully.  
\- What happened?!  
\- A person got shot,please.  
\- Kate...where?  
Peter walked down the stairs without saying a word. When he saw Alejandro in the back seat,I noticed anxiety on his face,but he quickly gathered himself.  
Alejandro was a big man,and it took a lot of effort from us to get him to the bed.  
\- He needs professional help.  
\- It's not an option for him.  
Peter gave me a long piercing look and took out an aid kit. He knew what to do. I could tell by the way he was treating a wound.  
\- Hold him.  
I put Alejandro's head on my lap. My heart was in pain just by seeing him so weak and helpless. For the first time I could say,that his life was in my hands and not the other way around.  
Peter started taking out the bullet from his stomach. Alejandro seizured,moaning like a wounded animal. I grabbed him,holding him down.  
"I'm with you. I'm right here." - I whispered right in his ear. Maybe it was just my wild imagination,but it seemed like Alejandro's body relaxed,whe he heard my voice.  
"Got it." - Peter took out the bullet and put it on the table.  
"Thank you." - I said,gratefully nodding to Peter.  
He dressed the wound and stood up.  
\- We'll leave as soon as he wakes up.  
\- It's him?  
I looked up at Peter,still carefully holding Alejandro's head in my arms. I remembered that night call,that I made,opening up to Peter. Without saying a word, I slightly tilted my head. Peter got the hint right away.   
In that moment I felt no shame in accepting the truth. I cared about that wolf and couldn't let him die.


	8. Open road

I was guarding his sleep silently. In my head I went back in time,when I first saw a tall black-haired man in a beige suit and dark glasses. I was unsettled by the way he handled himself.   
He had a strange and obscure presence. Moreover Matt Graver introduced him as his "bird dog". I expected a more official and professional conduct. But I didn't know how deep and painful my fall would be. Complete dissapointment in the system,that I vowed to serve and protect. These two man shuttered my world into pieces. They both played me. Matt hid behind his nonchalant charming smirk,while Alejandro wore a mask made of stone. His mask cracked just once. In the bathroom,after I was almost chocked to death. His dark eyes glimmered with tenderness. Maybe it was real.  
I wanted to believe,that it was.   
\- Ah...  
I heard a soft moan. Alejandro shivered,opening his mouth. I remembered the way he woke up on the plain to Juarez. It seemed like he had an awful dream.  
He jumped up and looked at me terrified and bewildered like a child. It was the only time I saw that man vulnerable.   
What was I going to do after he woke up? I had no clue.   
Where was Reggie? Was he alive? I had no idea.   
Would I be able to survive? I didn't know and frankly I didn't care much.  
I started to fall asleep. My head was full of questions,that I was afraid to know the answers for.

\- Kate.  
I trembled,opening my eyes. Peter was standing above me. My eyes drifted to the bed.  
\- Where is he?  
\- He is going to leave,Kate.  
I jumped up,rushing out of the room. Alejandro was trying to put on his bloody jacket.  
\- What are you doing?  
I felt adrenaline running through my veins. Alejandro didn't even look at me. He completely ignored my presence.  
\- Alejandro.  
My stern anxious tone sounded too emotional. He kept on putting on his shoes. I could see how pale and weak he looked.  
\- You can't leave. They will get you.  
My voice cracked. Alejandro threw a glimpse at me,checking his gun.  
\- I'm coming with you.  
I blurted out before thinking it over. Alejandro froze for a second and then finally looked straight in my eyes.  
\- No.  
He said emotionlessly.  
\- I didn't ask you for permission. I said I'm going with you.  
I grabbed my jacket wilfully.  
\- You're staying here.  
Alejandro's voice sounded too gruffly.  
\- No,I'm not. You're too weak to go alone.  
I said putting the gun behind my back.   
\- Kate.  
I felt his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him. His face was blank,but there was something in his eyes. Something,that I'd never seen before. He was begging me to stay.  
\- It's not your fight. It's all on me.  
He said softly,but sternly.  
\- You'll have no chance against them,if you're alone.  
In that moment I was sure,that I was throwing my life away and I was 100% willing to do that. Alejandro took his hand away,burning me with his swampy eyes.  
\- I'll drive.  
I said,nodding to him with all the confidence,that was left in me.  
\- Kate?  
I heard Peter's voice behind me. I turned around,facing him. Peter's eyes were widened with anxiety and worry.  
\- Thank you for helping us. We need to go.  
My voice sounded remote and blank. I could see one big question in his green eyes,but he didn't voice it. Somehow I knew,he didn't need to hear my answer.  
He looked at Alejandro and frowned like a father,who didn't want to let his daughter going out with the shady silent boy.  
I carefully opened the door,feeling myself tossing away in the gutter the only chance for a semi-normal life. Silently and solemnly we went to the car,as if we were partners for years.   
When we got in,I exhaled loudly.  
\- They won't stop.  
Alejandro was staring ahead at the road.  
\- We won't either.  
After a pause,that seemed too long,I answered without looking at Alejandro. We were both fixed on the road like two caged animals,who were about to be let out.


End file.
